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A small cup of tea to you and me

It's our anniversary.

All I really want to say my darling.

Today is a special day we call our own.

So take me in your arms and hold me.

And tell me you love me, and I'll be there for you.

Do you know what today is?

Do you know what today is?

It's our anniversary {it's our, it's our special day} - Tony! Toni! Tone’!

The day we were married was one of the best days of my life. I picked that day for two reasons: because I loved Christmas and I didn’t want you to forget that date. Pretty hard to forget being married on a national holiday, right?

Every year, we spent our special day together. The first anniversary we celebrated was where the bar was set. You bought me roses and took me out to a fancy restaurant. It was the most romantic thing anyone had done for me. I will never forget it because it was yet another side I hadn’t seen and weren’t afraid to show me for years afterward.

Each year, you always tried to do something special for me. Even when we had no money, you made sure I knew that you loved and cherished me like no other. I believed that I did the same for you. I picked you up a special gift or got you a card that explained my feelings when the words wouldn’t come. Yes, our anniversary is a priceless day for me.

Even when you were sick, I made it special for us. I cooked your favorites so you could smell them even if you couldn’t eat them. I got you things you needed, like gloves and blankets because you were always cold…

Like I am now.

I missed you on our Anniversary this year.

I woke up the morning of our anniversary, the 24th, and looked forward to what the day would bring us. Then I realized...I was going to be physically without you that day. As I am forever now.

I decided that for our anniversary, I would drive us out to the beach. It was a beautiful day, a perfect day for the beach. Let the sun bathe me in its warmth. We need to go. It’s been a while for us. Us, because you’re always with me.

As I drove, I played our song, with the tears spilling down my cheeks to my chin. If you were here, you’d take a finger and wipe them away. I smiled at the thought of you reaching over to do that. So instead, I took my own finger and wiped them. It gave me a warm feeling.

I parked and got out of the car, lugging my usual stuff with me. I found our usual spot and set up my chair and umbrella. Then I sat and carefully watched the water. If I looked hard enough, I could actually see you walking along the shoreline, like you always did. I contently sat there, peering at the waves while you walked.

I decided to get up and dip my toes like you used to do. I waded in and buried my feet into the wet sand. I let a few waves thrust themselves at my legs and decided to walk back to my chair. I picked a few shells and some coral, like you liked to do and tossed them into the bucket next to my chair. I’ll put those in the container I keep next to your urn at home.

As it grew warmer, I decided it was time to leave. I packed everything up and walked behind you to the car. In the past, you always walked in front of me carrying everything, but since you couldn’t carry things, I did. But I know you watched carefully that I didn’t stumble. I could feel that.

Driving back home, I played more songs that we both enjoyed. This time there was more smiling as I pictured you singing WAY off key. Actually I laughed at that. Lord, you could NOT sing. You knew it too, but you still tried. Badly.

By the time I got home, it was time for dinner. I cleaned up and got dressed in my favorite dress. I sprayed on your favorite scent. I wanted to be pretty for our 26th anniversary. I drove to the restaurant and asked for a private table in the back. I wanted to keep enjoying our special day.

But then, it hit me. I was alone at this table. You can’t eat with me. We can’t talk and giggle like we used to at dinner. I can’t watch enjoy your meal. You can’t stick your fork in my plate to try what I’m eating. The sadness that attempted to overwhelm me this morning nearly succeeded at the table. I thought I could do this, but I couldn’t. My eyes welled up again.

Something - you probably - said inside my head, “Call our son.”

I called. He came right over and celebrated our anniversary with me. We laughed and joked like we haven’t done for a long while. We talked about you and how much we miss you. But there were no tears this time. We enjoyed our happy memories of our time with you. I told him funny things about you...he told me a bit about the things you two talked about. He even stuck his fork in my plate. I laughed and said, “Just like your Dad.” The dark cloud that had begun to form over the table dissipated. It was almost like having you there sitting with us...probably because you were.

I missed you on our anniversary...but I carried you in my heart all day long.

Happy Anniversary, Baby. I loved celebrating our special day together. I was happy to tell you I love you, because I know you were there for me.

By Cheryl Barnes

#Anniversary #TonyBarness #lonliness #Holidays

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