To his widow’s family and friends: it’s OK to talk about him this year

Updated: Dec 23, 2020

I have a question for you: Are you having a hard time allowing yourself to remember a loved one? Your friend? Your brother? Your cousin? Her late husband?

Have you removed his pictures or do you walk away from discussions about him? When you do that, it disrespects his widow. It makes her feel invisible and, not only that, imagine how it would make her children, (an extension of you), feel. I felt that I needed to address the elephant in the room (in this case, it’s the late husband who is missing).

Here are 5 things you can do to not disrespect his widow or his memory:

• Please respect the fact that his widow will post on social media - sometimes several times a day - just let her.

• Allow his widow to talk about him - she needs to. And if she suddenly sidetracks the conversation about him, let her.

• His children need to see and hear that you care.

• Allow his widow to date. If she discusses her dating life, let her.

• Allow her to be happy, healed, but most of all, human.

Family and friends, keep this in mind: Don’t EVER give his widow a timeline to heal or “move on” - ever. You’re not in her shoes so you can’t possibly feel what she’s feeling. If YOU can’t talk about his death, then how can there be healing for YOU?

As we enter into the new year, consider this vow: say his name.

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