Those Bumps in the Road

Bump in the road.


Stuff in the way

When people think about bumps in the road, they usually think of them in the literal sense - pieces of junk or trash on the road while you’re driving that could quite possibly damage your vehicle - or figuratively - something that “slows your roll” while you’re trying to accomplish something.

It can mean something different to a widow, believe it or not. Bumps for us can eventually become impossible to forget or ignore. But the damage is less obvious.

The last time I took Tony back to the hospital I joked with him: “Here we go again. Hopefully you will be home this weekend so we can go to the pool like we had planned.” He just smiled at me and didn't say a word. It's like HE knew and was trying to keep my spirits up. Mind you, I never acted like that when he went to the hospital. Usually, I was panicked and scared. But I was neither of those things that time...which turned out to be the last time. I felt completely confident it was just another bump in the road. I had so gotten used to this. We had endured so many of them already and always kept it moving.

What, me worry? What for?

I got used to bumps in the road while I was caring for Tony. I’d think everything was good, then he’d have a setback and then he had to start getting better all over again. So at that moment, I had gotten complacent and comfortable with all the bumps. All those bumps weren’t really damaging anything at the time. They were more to humble us and remind us how things actually were. My Hub was sick and nothing was changing that at the time. So we dealt with it. The only harm being done was little pieces of my heart breaking, which seems to come back together each time he was released from a medical facility.

Clearly, I had gotten too complacent.

Once he died, bumps in the road took on a new identity for me...every time I hit one, I resolved to kick that sucka out of my way. I wasn’t having it. I needed to protect myself from those things and by everything that was holy, I was going to do that.

Do you know why? Because people kept telling me I was STRONG.

I really hate when people say that because they just don’t know.

Strong. Ugh.

Strong people don’t let bumps in the road overpower them. They just go over them, around them, or even through them.

But just like with vehicles, if you hit too many things too many times, the damage becomes evident, and repair may become difficult or in the worst cases, unlikely. If a bump is too big and you hit’s a catastrophe.

That is how bumps in the road started affecting my mind and soul. Previously small issues had become big catastrophes.